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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29989191">can i hug you?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/meganwritess/pseuds/meganwritess'>meganwritess</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Adventure Zone (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blind Character, Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, I promise!!, I tried my best, Psychological Trauma, Spoilers for Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, Trauma, check the notes for full trigger warnings, right at the end, y’all this isn’t the whole fic i promise it’s just the first chapter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:20:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,166</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29989191</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/meganwritess/pseuds/meganwritess</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><i>They’d found the Light, so the destruction of this world is one thing Lup doesn’t have to worry about...</i><br/><i>Unless...</i><br/>Unless?<br/><i>“Do we still have the shit from cycle eight?” She sits up and spins to look at Barry.<br/>Barry’s brows furrow, doing the math in his head. Then he gets it. His eyes flit up to meet hers. “Yeah.... Lup, what’re you saying?”</i><br/><i>“I’m saying it’d be a real fuckin’ shame if something were to happen to that lab.” </i><br/>_____</p><p>Taako and Lucretia get kidnapped. Davenport does some writing. Merle casts Hold Person. Barry gets horny. Lup extracts justice. Magnus gets hugged.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barry Bluejeans &amp; Magnus Burnsides, Barry Bluejeans &amp; Magnus Burnsides &amp; Davenport &amp; Merle Highchurch &amp; Lucretia &amp; Lup &amp; Taako, Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Davenport &amp; Taako (The Adventure Zone), Lup &amp; Taako (The Adventure Zone), Magnus Burnsides &amp; Davenport, Magnus Burnsides &amp; Lup, Magnus Burnsides &amp; Merle Highchurch, Magnus Burnsides &amp; Taako, Magnus Burnsides &amp; The Director | Lucretia, Merle Highchurch &amp; Taako, The Director | Lucretia &amp; Taako, i think u get the idea. everyone’s here</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. the ferans</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/journalofimprobablethings/gifts">journalofimprobablethings</a>.</li>


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27429346">how this grace thing works</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/journalofimprobablethings/pseuds/journalofimprobablethings">journalofimprobablethings</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TRIGGER WARNING:<br/>This wasn’t meant to get as dark as it got. I’ve never written anything like this before and I don’t want anyone to be genuinely hurt by what I write.<br/>The following are brief, spoiler free trigger warnings. In “chapter four” there is a summary of the plot, with no graphic descriptions whatsoever, just an objective summary of the scenes which involve these potential triggers.<br/>Dead bodies (described in CH1, mentioned throughout)<br/>Vomit (not described, CH1)<br/>Psychological torture (mentioned, CH1)<br/>Physical torture (explored in CH1, mentioned throughout)<br/>Open wounds (not described, CH1 and CH2)<br/>Torn stitches (not described, CH2)<br/>Panic attacks/meltdowns (described from both an outsiders POV and an insiders POV, CH2 and CH3)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>CYCLE FIFTY-EIGHT</strong>
</p><hr/><p>One time, on their fifteenth cycle, Taako had put the left-overs of a roast hog in their fridge and forgotten about it. </p><p>He hadn’t meant to, but there were so many of the damned things running around he just... forgot, y’know? Magnus found it about four weeks later and retched when he unwrapped it, tears streaming down his face as he ran to the bathroom to vomit. Taako had laughed ‘til he was blue in the face, and Lucretia was shaking so badly she could barely write it all down.</p><p>Anyways, that’s what Magnus’ body smells like when they enter the lab. Four week old roast hog. Worse than that, but it’s the closest thing Taako can associate it with. He really, really wishes he could think of something else, anything else, but he keeps coming back to that. </p><p>His friend who he’s known for nearly sixty years is sitting slumped in a corner with a gaping hole where his heart used to be and Taako is thinking about the rotten hog. He’s so grateful Lucretia’s human eyes can’t see the dark room in perfect clarity like his can, because the scene is grizzly. Nauseating. One of Magnus’ eyes is hanging out of its socket by a thread of nerves and muscles, and he’s just... rotting. Right on the floor of this laboratory.</p><p>Jeez, o’ Pete he hopes the Ferans will keep the lights off.</p><p>They don’t. </p><p>The room floods with light and Lucretia vomits. Taako tenses. Then the screaming starts. </p><p>Fuck. </p><p>One of the Ferans (the one with the nose ring he has lovingly dubbed “Nose Ring”) twists Lucretia’s arm, and she cries out once before quieting down. One of the other workers, “Butt Chin,” pulls a lever on the wall and Magnus’ body teeters, the eye snaps from its string, and he tumbles down a massive chute. </p><p>Their captors hadn’t just forgotten to clean up Magnus’ corpse. It was a fear tactic. And it worked. </p><p>The guard on his left, Long Claws, shoves Taako against a wall with wrist cuffs built into it and straps him in, two slots down from where Magnus was moments earlier. Lucretia looks like she’s going to throw up again as Nose Ring straps her in, her foot inches away from where Maggie’s eye lays on the floor. </p><p>The guards talk in hushed voices, eyes fixed on Lucretia. One of them gestures to her hands. They barely glance at Taako, but when they do, the eye contact is unwavering. </p><p>Then they leave, killing the lights as they do.</p><p>Taako’s mind is spinning, and he scans the room. It’s probably pitch black for Lucretia, but he can see perfectly fine. There’s a table pushed against a wall at the other side of the room, and glass cabinets filled with rows upon rows of bottles and jars. They’re labelled with pictures of all different races and species, including many he doesn’t recognize.</p><p>He swallows hard as he sees Magnus’ face on a larger jar containing a human heart. Fuck.</p><p>Taako bumps Lucretia’s hip with his. He’ll deal with whatever the fuck the Ferans are planning later, right now he needs Lucretia to calm the hell down because the Ferans are definitely monitoring her reactions.</p><p>“‘Creesh.”</p><p>She doesn’t answer, focusing on breathing through her mouth, the rotten-hog stench lingering in the air. She’s still shuddering from the events of the past few minutes, but she’s listening.</p><p>“We’re gonna be okay.” It doesn’t feel right, but he doesn’t know what else to say. If Lup were here, she’d know exactly the right inspirational and comforting speech to uplift their friend. But of course Lucretia got stuck with the twin who’s so emotionally constipated not even a fantasy-Dulcolax would do him any good.</p><p>“I know. It’s just—“ She pauses, and Taako never gets a chance to find out what ‘it’s just’ because Nose Ring and Long Claws and Butt Chin are back with a new friend, Dark Lab-Coat Lady. She seems to be in charge, because she marches over and glares down at him. Taako’s pretty tall, but she’s got at least a good three feet on him. With no warning, she reaches out to hit him across the face.</p><p>“What the fuck?” His head smacks the hard concrete wall behind him as he flinches, but her hand doesn’t make contact. She smiles, says something to Long Claws, and steps back. He steps forward and uncuffs Taako, guiding him over to the table which Nose Ring and Butt Chin have pulled out to the center of the room. </p><p>Lucretia’s crying again, but trying to stay as quiet as possible. Taako’s heart is pounding out of his chest<em> —that’s not an appropriate idiom, is it— </em>as they force him down and strap him in. </p><p>Come on, there’s gotta be a joke in here somewhere, something about bondage maybe? <em> Something </em> to let Lucretia know he’s gonna be okay... </p><p>A bright light. He yelps, instinctively shutting his eyes. Dark Lab-Coat Lady pries his left eye open, then his right. Taako tries to bite her finger and misses.</p><p>This time she does hit him, raking her nails across the lower half of his face. He and Lucretia scream and tears spring to his eyes. DLCL looks fucking gleeful, and one of the dudes swab his tears and place it in a transparent baggie. </p><p>She flips the bright-as-Barry’s-thighs-in-the-summertime light off and turns the main ones on. </p><p>The experiments begin.</p><hr/><p>The Ferans dont make Lucretia leave the room while they experiment on Taako.  She isn’t sure why she thought they would, honestly. But she’s there for all of it. </p><p>Instead of making her leave, they make her take notes.</p><p>She isn’t sure why at first, given the language barrier, but she does it because if she refuses they’ll kill her in front of Taako, and she really doesn’t want him seeing that. </p><p>The first test, as far as she can tell, was when they entered this lab in the pitch black. Taako had gasped when they entered, and she knew from the smell that something was rotting here. But Taako, having Elven vision, could see... </p><p>Well. You know.</p><p>The second was when the female in the dark lab coat did something to Taako to see if he would flinch. They performed more tests in the dark, but obviously she couldn’t see them, so she isn’t sure what they were. One of them involved his pupils and how they dilated in direct light.</p><p>They kept reopening the scratch marks on his cheeks to see how fast they would heal.</p><p>They played audios at increasingly high frequencies to test Taako’s hearing, but all that resulted in was him vomiting after they played something she couldn’t hear for three hours straight. That made their focus return to his eyes.</p><p>It was at this point she realized why they were making her take notes. One or two Ferans would always have their eyes locked on her hands.</p><p>Her ambidextrousness had been noted. The Ferans were obsessed with oddities, any ability they didn’t possess had to be harvested for their own dark magics.</p><p>From that point on, she just wrote with her left hand, no matter how badly it cramped, but it was too late. She’d completely screwed herself over.</p><p>And now here she is, chained to the wall again, as they strap Taako back onto the table. </p><p>The woman, who seems to be in charge, enters, smiling at Lucretia as she passes. She has something shiny in her hand, which she waggles tauntingly.</p><p>It’s a scalpel.</p><hr/><p>His cheek is throbbing. It’s steady, a little soothing even. In his mind, it’s singing.</p><p>
  <em> Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Tha-thump. </em>
</p><p>It’s almost like a heartbeat.</p><p>Technically, it is his heartbeat.</p><p>It changes it’s tune. </p><p>
  <em> Mag-nus. Mag-nus. Mag-nus. Mag— </em>
</p><p>Taako twitches violently and wakes himself up, panting. </p><p>He can’t see anything.</p><p>He’s blind.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You did it! You made it! It gets a lot lighter from here on out, I promise.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. five days</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Davenport is sitting beside Taako’s bed, writing in a notebook about the events of the past hour, in a rocking chair that has seen better days.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Cycle Fifty-five: Magnus made eight rocking chairs because he was bored. Only one survived, and it was the prototype for the next seven. It doesn’t rock.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Taako groans, snapping Davenport out of that cycle statistic, and Dav is up and running to get their cleric. He nearly crashes into Merle as he rushes to Taako’s side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where am I?” His words are a little slurred, but the effects of whatever Merle hit him with an hour ago are definitely wearing off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sh, sh, shh, here, buddy, you’re home now, it’s okay...” Merle lifts a cup to Taako’s lips, who turns his head away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Lucretia?” Taako’s yelling now, and Merle looks at Davenport, who’s already closing the door. Lup and Barry were down in the cargo hold, had been for around thirty minutes, but who knew when they’d be back?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Taako, it’s me, it’s Merle, okay? Lucretia...” Merle stops. Swallows hard. “Buddy, she’s not here right now, okay? She’ll be back soon.” Not technically a lie. They were set to take off in five days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merle...” Taako’s head flops back against his pillow as he reaches out clumsily, and Merle gives him his hands to cling to. “Who else is here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cap’n’port, he’s by the door. You’re in your bed, Lup and Barry are in the cargo hold, I’m by the rocking ch— oh.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dav pinches the bridge of his nose as Merle tries to cover his tracks, realizing Magnus’ busted chair was maybe the worst possible thing to mention. Taako’s breathing quickens, and then he’s crying, but with no tears. His face is dry as can be, and Davenport feels a hole open up in his gut as he realizes Taako can’t cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taako seems to notice this as well, and it sets him off. “I can’t even fucking cry, dude, I... </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck, fuck, fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merle immediately reaches to undo Taako’s bandages, and Dav averts his eyes. But whatever Merle’s doing seems to be working because Taako calms down, just a little, and Davenport glances up out of curiosity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There you go, buddy. It’s gonna be okay.” Merle’s dipping a cloth in a cup of water and gently wetting Taako’s cheeks. He catches Davenport’s eye and shrugs, clearly as surprised as the next dwarf that it’s actually working. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that noise?” Taako’s quiet now, and he doesn’t sound anything like the self-assured elf Davenport knows so well. He sounds like a child, really, and Davenport can hear the exhaustion, pain and fear in his voice. “The high pitched ringing...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Man, they really... they did a number on you, Taako. The good news is that it’ll be gone in...” he looks at Davenport. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Five.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He mouths.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Bout five days. Really, um... minor stuff, dude. Humans get it all the time. Don’t even worry about it.” Merle has started washing Taako’s face, and nods at the door. “Now, I’m gonna kick out our captain, and I’m gonna get you cleaned up a little, and then you’re gonna have a nap, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Taako, that’s not a good idea. You’ve got a lot of stitches, and I don’t want them tearing open—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merle, give me the fucking—“ Taako grabs for the facecloth, and there’s a nasty ripping noise as the wound at his ribs reopens. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, dude,” Merle groans and casts ‘Hold Person,’ which Taako tries to fight off and fails. “Dav, you gettin’ all this?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, right. Davenport picks up the notebook and starts writing, ignoring the punch to the stomach he gets as he continues taking up Lucretia’s job. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only five more days to go.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>They’re back on the Starblaster and Barry is in the cargo hold with Lup. She begged Merle to let her be with Taako, but he told Barry to take her down here. Davenport offered, but Barry brushed him off. Lup was his partner, not Dav’s. Nice fuckin’ try, dude. Trying to Mr. Steal-His-Girl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, if he was being brutally honest, he wasn’t sure he’d made the right decision. Obviously he wanted to be here for her, but a small part of him wondered if Cap’n’port would’ve been a better person to console Lup, who’s sitting on the floor with her head between her knees, silent. He’s seated next to her, with his chin resting on his folded arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’ve been down here for twenty minutes. She hasn’t moved in nineteen. Neither has he. His ass is dead asleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lup?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t say anything. Her breathing is laboured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to talk about it?” Nothing. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to, b—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She cuts him off with a wail. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, shit.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s crying, completely curled in on herself as she rocks back and forth a little, and Barry feels utterly useless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, babe, it’s okay— can I hug you?” She shakes her head no and Barry nods, chewing his lower lip. They sit for a bit, until Lup’s just shuddering, hugging her knees to her chest, her eyes peeking out from the protective shell she’s made. Thousand yard stare if he’s ever seen it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you, um...” she breathes in, then out, shakily. Her voice is small, different from the one she uses most, the one dripping with humour and joy and manufactured-confidence. “Can you rub my back a little?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Barry places his hand gently on the small of her back, makes the small, soothing, circular motions he knows relax her. Lup sighs, then tucks her head back into her cocoon and finally lets herself go, her body convulsing with sobs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few minutes, she scoots away from him a little only to return to rest her head in his lap, curled on her side in the fetal position. His hand hovers just above her back, and she nods, and his hand returns to the strip of skin where her shirt has ridden up in the back. He slows his breathing, knowing she’ll subconsciously follow suit like she always does when she’s upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In, </span>
  <em>
    <span>twothreefour</span>
  </em>
  <span>, out, </span>
  <em>
    <span>twothreefour.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>In, </span>
  <em>
    <span>twothreefour</span>
  </em>
  <span>, out, </span>
  <em>
    <span>twothreefour.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>In, </span>
  <em>
    <span>twothreefour</span>
  </em>
  <span>, out, </span>
  <em>
    <span>twothreefour.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Barry shrugs his jacket off the arm that’s free, then rolls it down his other arm to cover her like a blanket, all while maintaining the back rub. It’s really smooth, and he mentally gives himself a little pat on the back, then feels guilty. Not the right time, Bluejeans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Lup sounds exhausted. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanna talk about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” She grabs awkwardly at his free hand and places it on her head. He takes the not-so-subtle hint and runs his fingers through her hair absentmindedly, avoiding that ticklish spot behind her left ear because even when Lup is in a good mood she still cries while being tickled and that would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>wholly</span>
  </em>
  <span> inappropriate, </span>
  <em>
    <span>come on, Barry.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I... don’t wanna talk about it, actually. Not right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, that’s fine.” If she needed to talk about it she would. “Do you wanna go back up yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think Taako would...” she trails off. Fiddles with the makeshift denim blanket Barry gave her. “Not yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” She’s still crying, a little. He can feel the tears leaking through his jeans, but he’s pretty sure they’re just, like, aftershocks. She’s okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only five more days and then they’re out of this shithole. Thank the gods.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Lup has been with Barry, officially, for around a decade. She knows basically everything about him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knows how he takes his coffee with three sugar cubes and a wildly small portion of milk. How he crawls into bed at night and lays on his back and stays that way, like he’s dead. How he has a constellation of freckles on the back of his left thigh that make up a sheep she calls Wilbur. How when he’s about to cry, he takes his glasses off right away so they dont get stained with tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Humans are usually quick to share everything about themselves with their partners. It makes sense, when you look at their lifespans. And even though they’re basically immortal now for the foreseeable future, she’s still an elf. And he’s still a human. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of this is to say that 10 years is a blip in Lup’s lifetime, weird anti-aging ship aside. And being vulnerable was never her strong suit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>These things combined made her a rather distant partner at times, but they would work through it. They have all the time in the planar-verse for couples counselling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anyways. This day has sucked absolute shit, but she’s glad Barry’s with her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a soft clink as Barry sets his glasses down on the floor, and she looks up at him. His eyes are welling up and he forces a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, babe,” she sits up a little but he shakes his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m good, just tired. And, you know... angry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She did know. The initial sadness from seeing her brother in that cell, surrounded by the bodies of their family.... it had melted away. Actually, “melted” isn’t the right word. It had flowed out of her and morphed and crystallized into fury.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolls onto her back, taking Barry’s hand and fiddling with his fingers as her mind floods with a million thoughts at once. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d found the Light, so the destruction of this world is one thing she doesn’t have to worry about...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unless...</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Unless?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we still...” she stops. Hm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Do we still’ what, babe?” Barry wipes his eyes and puts on his glasses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We still have the shit from cycle eight?” She sits up and spins to look at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks worried. “Yeah, it’s around here somewhere, why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Taako made that light to distract the Hunger, ‘member? The world survived but it fucked up a big part of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barry’s brows furrow, doing the math in his head. Then he gets it. His eyes flit up to meet hers. “Yeah.... Lup, what’re you saying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m saying it’d be a real fuckin’ shame if something were to happen to that lab.” Please, please, please let him understand where she’s coming from. Fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barry runs his hands up his face and through his hair. Lup’s heartbeat is in her fucking ears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well... we only have five days...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shit. He was right. “Right, right, it was a stupid idea—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...So we’d better get working, I guess.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Merle sits back in the rocking chair and groans. He’s been awake for 26 hours now, and all he wants is sleep. Dav had dozed off by the doorway to Taako’s room about a half hour ago, and Merle is green with envy. Honest to god, all he wants to do is drift off and forget all about this rotten day. Just, like, five minutes would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span>...</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Merle! Cap’n’port!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lup calls from the other side of the Starblaster, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“We have a plan!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Davenport is startled awake, and looks at Merle, panicked. Taako is unconscious, which seems like a good excuse as to why he wouldn’t be accepting visitors... ‘cept Merle got him </span>
  <em>
    <span>into</span>
  </em>
  <span> that state by casting “Hold Person.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, yeah, looking back wasn’t the best spell to use on a recent survivor of kidnapping and imprisonment, and he understands why most people probably wouldn’t be too jazzed about its implementation in this situation. Eventually the kid wore himself out and now he’s doin’ that Trance thingy he and his sister do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Speaking of Lup, he can hear her running down the hallway now. Dav jumps up and slips out to intercept her, shutting the door softly behind him. Merle splashes some water on his face. Sleep would have to wait. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Cap’n’port! Dude, you’ll never believe what we came up with—“</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Eh, Lup, ah, I’ve known you a while now, I’m quite sure I’ll believe it.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dav chuckles nervously, and Lup laughs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lup </span>
  <em>
    <span>laughs?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Less than two hours ago she was cursing Merle out for not letting her stay glued to Taako’s side, what the hell happened?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That’s fair, man, but Barry and I have drawn up some actual plans, and I think we can pull this off.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>All this beating around the meat has Merle glad he’s not a cat, because if he was he’d be dead by now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Get it, because curiosity killed the... </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Doesn’t matter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glances over at Taako. Would it really be that big a deal if he snuck out for a minute or two to hear what Lup and Barry had cooked up?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He really shouldn’t... but he’s already out in the hallway. Lup’s smile drops clean off her face when she sees him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he’d last seen her, or rather, heard her, she had been trying to kick the door to Taako’s room down. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Merle, you miserable three foot sack of shit, open the mother-fucking door and let me see him, he’s my fucking family, man, he’s the only real family I’ve got, come on...” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Taako was shaking, actively bleeding from a deep scratch on his face and several other wounds Merle couldn’t see. Barry had just brought him in, the poor kid was barely holding on to life, and Lup wouldn’t do him any good until he was stable. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Someone take her downstairs, this is too much for him to take right now.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Merle yelled, and that was that. Lup stomped down the hall with Barry, and Davenport knocked to be let in a few minutes later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lup.” Merle greets her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merle,” she stares down at her feet. “I’m... I’m sorry about all that shit I said earlier. That wasn’t fair, I know you were trying to help, and I— I’m really sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright, Lup,” Merle gestures to the door. “You know, Taako, he’s...” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Should he let her see him like this? She did apologize, and she seems calmer now...</span>
  </em>
  <span> “He’s pretty, erm, </span>
  <em>
    <span>pooped</span>
  </em>
  <span> at the moment, but you can go see him if you’d like.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lup’s gaze doesn’t leave the floor, but Merle can see her eyes from his “miserable three foot sack of shit” vantage point. They’re welling up. She nods wordlessly, and Barry gives her hand a squeeze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, babe, we’re going to be in the kitchen...” Lup is shaking her head, and Barry lingers on the word kitchen for a little longer than necessary. “No... no, okay,” he turns to Merle and Davenport. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> guys are going to go be in the kitchen, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>we</span>
  </em>
  <span> will be there in a bit.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Davenport tugs Merle down the hallway, and Merle sneaks a peek over his shoulder just in time to see Lup bury her face in Barry’s shirt. He pets her hair, then takes her by the shoulders and says something to her. Merle watches Barry’s face as he reacts to whatever Lup whispers back, before letting her go and watching her slip into Taako’s room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Davenport yanks his arm again and Merle stumbles away. At the other end of the hall, Barry sits against the wall and rests his head in his hands. On the other side of that wall, Lup whispers a shaky hello to her brother for the first time in ten months, and crawls into bed beside him, careful not to wake him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merle doesn’t see any of that, though. He just takes the cold tea Davenport serves him and takes a deep sip before spitting it back into his cup. “That’s got be at least a week old, </span>
  <em>
    <span>ulgh—</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dav shrugs and pours himself a cup, leaning against the counter. “I’m, ah... At this point, Merle,” he chuckles, “I’m not too picky, I just need some caffeine.” He takes a drink, whirls around to the sink and spits his out, too. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit,</span>
  </em>
  <span> man, that </span>
  <em>
    <span>sucks.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did warn you—”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh,</span>
  </em>
  <span> my </span>
  <em>
    <span>god.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Davenport sticks his face under the faucet and rinses his mouth out. “Merle, that’s probably been there a month, </span>
  <em>
    <span>god.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop whining about it, man, I told you!” Merle goes over to the stove to put on a new pot of tea, and sighs. “Only five more days, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Davenport rubs his earlobe anxiously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good riddance.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Taako is dreaming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is a rare occurrence. But he’s sitting cross legged on a road with a snake and a frog. The frog is dressed in a purple suit. The snake is wearing a sun hat. Taako already knows their names, and he is pouring them tea. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’sssss rather sssssunny today, isssssn’t it, Taako?”</span>
  </em>
  <span>  Katie hisses and adjusts the brim of her hat with her tail. Fred opens their mouth to respond, but Katie kills and eats them. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What the fuck?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Bizarrely, Taako isn’t upset at the murder he just witnessed, he’s upset at the disregard for tea-party etiquette.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Wasssssn’t talking to them, wasss I, lovey?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Taako wakes up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The world is gone, again, and as buck wild as that dream was, he appreciated the visuals. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone is lying beside him in his bed, her head barely touching his shoulder, and she smells like campfires and rosemary and </span>
  <em>
    <span>home.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lup?” He feels her shift. Maybe she’s looking at him. There’s simply no way of knowing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She starts crying quietly, and his mind races. He doesn’t want their reunion to be sad for her, no matter his current state. He imagines it isn’t pretty. Well, he shouldn’t say that. He’s very pretty, any state he’s in is pretty, but the fresh wounds probably aren’t doing him any favours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lup, I’m blind, not deaf. It’s either you or Merle snuggled in for a nap again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lup snorts and takes his hands. Hers are calloused and comforting. “His bedside manner really is terrible, I wouldn’t put it past him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Terrible,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Taako jokes and brushes his thumbs across her knuckles, something he would do when they were younger and she would wake up from a nightmare. “Did he tell you he cast Hold Person on me so he could sew me up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lup stops giggling and Taako does too. Aw, fuck shit </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>, why’d she stop giggling. He had just gotten the energy up, too. He isn’t sure if it’s a “oh wow haha that’s crazy” kind of silence or a “what the fuck that’s medical malpractice” kind of silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Likely the latter, and now she’s probably mad at Merle. Taako’s head is turned in the general direction of where her voice is coming from and his eyes are... well, wide, but technically they’re not, huh? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he still had eyes, they would be wide. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Lup yanks her hands away and bursts out laughing. “Your eyebrows—“ she cuts herself off in a fit of giggles and Taako isn’t sure why they’re laughing again but glad the mood has been lifted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” He cocks his head, brows furrowed. Lup gasps for air and there’s a thump and suddenly he’s alone in his bed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Did you just fall off the bed—“</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Lup just keeps tittering, and the mental image of this whole situation sets him off, too. “It’s not even fucking funny,” Lup sobs, “Your stupid eyebrows shot up from under the bandages— why the hell did Merle cover your face like that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The fuck should I know? My eyes healed like a bajillion years ago, but I bet they look gnarly, maybe it’s a courtesy b—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Courtesy bandage?” Lup says it the same time he does, and her boots hit the floor repeatedly. “Taako, stop, I’m gonna pee—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taako practically barks and his head smacks against his headboard. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Fuck,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he wheezes, and only as he’s laughing it off does he realize it actually hurt. “Ah, shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, you okay?” Lup’s voice isn’t coming from down on the floor anymore, so she must’ve stood up. The bed creaks as she scoots back on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He does not feel okay in the slightest but she doesn’t need to know that. “Yeah, dont worry about it. Hey, how are you sitting right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, criss cross applesauce, why?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but like </span>
  <em>
    <span>where.</span>
  </em>
  <span> In relation to me </span>
  <em>
    <span>exactly,</span>
  </em>
  <span> I don’t know where to look,” he pauses. “Or like... position my head, or whatever. I... I, like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate</span>
  </em>
  <span> not  knowing where anything fuckin’ is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hon, you should’ve just </span>
  <em>
    <span>said</span>
  </em>
  <span> so!” Lup chides playfully, and she starts describing their surroundings in meticulous detail. Taako carefully readjusts his pillows and relaxes entirely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His breathing slows, and he’s so tuned in to Lup’s voice, his consciousness slips away and he’s floating in a sea of negative space. He’s neither here nor there, and he feels utterly at peace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Time has no real meaning in this place, but when he emerges after what he guesses was probably a pretty long time, Lup hasn’t moved, and she’s reciting the alphabet backwards. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’re you doing?” His mouth tastes like a rat crawled in there and died. “How long was I out for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um... ‘bout an hour? And I was trying to find things to say so you’d stay, y’know,” Lup blows a raspberry. “Conked out. That’s what you tranced out to, right? Me talking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah... thanks, by the way. Can I have a drink?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sure.” Wood creaks as Lup stands up from Maggie’s chair, and Taako’s throat tightens. Magnus worked for months on those chairs, and he’d given the only one that survived to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Aw, fuck,” Magnus whined as they had taken off three years prior. “I forgot to grab the chairs.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“All of them?” Lup asked, incredulous, and Magnus nodded forlornly, looking out the window at the land below. Lucretia tsked and jotted something down in her notebook.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I guess I still have the shitty prototype...” he turned to Taako. “You want the shitty prototype?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Taako looked up from the bowl of berries he was munching on. “Do I want your shitty, splintered rocking chair that doesn’t rock?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah. You don’t have to be a dick about it.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Taako popped another berry into his mouth. “Sure.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Okay. I’ll put it in your room.” Magnus started for the cargo hold. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No, don’t put it in my room—“</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Gang, we’re about to shift,” Davenport warned. “I would w—“</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They shifted over, and the second they were reoriented Magnus made a run for the cargo hold.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Bolt it to the floor of his room!” Lup called nonchalantly, and Magnus laughed maniacally. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Taako is snapped back to the present by Lup grabbing one of his hands and wrapping it around a glass. She takes the other and helps him find the straw. Then she backs off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Taako whispers earnestly. Jokes aside, Merle was doing his best. But he doesn’t know Taako like Lup does. She knows how important independence is to him, and an act as simple as letting him drink by himself with out assistance is... refreshing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I ask you something?” Lup sounds deadly serious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shoot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What...” she trails off, thinking of how to phrase it. “What happened to Lucretia?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taako’s whole body goes cold. “She isn’t here?” he asks, but deep down he knew.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Barry said the only cell had you in it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Taako swallows, hard. “Well, they, uhm... they took my eyes, right? And they took Maggie’s heart. And they took Lucretia’s hands.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lup doesn’t say anything. There isn’t much to say, really. They’ve seen their crew mates die countless times, and while he’d love to say it doesn’t get easier, it does. At least when you didn’t see it first hand. He doesn’t blame Lup’s silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really want to talk about it.” He takes another drink of water. “Shit fucking sucked. We can talk about it eventually, but...” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not right now.” Lup finishes, and Taako nods. “That’s fine. I actually, um...” she clears her throat, definitely trying to shove down whatever emotions are threatening to bubble over. “I actually wanted to run something by you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go for it.” Taako has finished his water, and Lup takes the cup with out him needing to ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Basically, we want to get rid of the Ferans lab...” Lup sounds... nervous? “And we can do that by using one of your decoy lights.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taako clicks his tongue. “Huh. Did you already get the Light?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s silence. Lup let’s out a little </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh</span>
  </em>
  <span> and says “Yeah, we got the Light.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you just nod?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, my bad,” she chuckles once, but it seems a little forced. She’s got other things on her mind. He does, too. “So... thoughts?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, yeah. Yeah, absolutely, how long do we have?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Taako...” Lup sounds surprised that he wants to come, and not in a good way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, I love scheming! I’m not invited to a scheme-sesh? Plus, if you think about it,” he wags a finger in her general direction. “I’m actually the inventor of the decoy light, and if you use it with out my consent, I’ll sue your ass for intellectual property theft.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lup sighs and Taako knows he’s won. “Hon, I don’t even know if it’ll work a second time...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bullshit, this was your idea, and I know Barry ironed out the kinks. Where is he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a pause, and then Lup says “Oh, my god,” and springs off the bed. She opens the door and laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lup?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I, uh...” she laughs again from the hallway, and the door creaks as she pops her head in. Probably. Taako is quite literally in the dark. “I asked him to sit out in the hall while I sat with you. I didn’t think I’d be in here for... Christ, ninety minutes, but I assumed he’d piss off after he heard us talking or something. But, uh... no! He’s asleep in the hallway.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taako chuckles and sits up. “Don’t change the subject, ma sœur. Are we gonna scheme or not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Lup speaks, he can hear the smile in her voice. “We’re gonna scheme.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. tha-thump</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Merle, Davenport, Lup, Taako and Barry were gathered around the kitchen table. Barry had pieces of paper strewn across the kitchen table and he was explaining the modifications he and Lup had made to Taako’s little Light of Chicanery. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“—And here, we’ll probably be able to swap out the bioluminescent fungi for some of the luminescent clay-like material Merle discovered—”</span>
  </em>
  <span> blah, blah, blah. Merle can’t really make heads or tails of what Barry is saying, so he resorts to staring deeply into the fresh cup of tea he’d made. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tea was made from a plant Merle found about five months ago. It wasn’t all that different from a mint leaf, other than it’s rich magenta colour, which resulted in a deep red tea as opposed to the piss-esque hue produced by mint leafs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was better than some of the other plants Merle dug up this cycle. He found what he thought was asparagus, looked and tasted virtually identical. But when he tried boiling them for dinner, it made the whole kitchen smell like asparagus-pee for about a month. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merle likes asparagus though, all things considered. He likes greens in general. The colour green is nice, too, he has a lovely pair of pants that are a nice mossy green.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pants. A good invention. Better than dresses, Merle hates wearing dresses. Not his thing, he isn’t sure he has the legs for it. Taako assures him he looks fine, but Merle just doesn’t have the confidence. Maybe someday. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...two, three, not it!” Merle snaps back to reality and is surprised to see three out of  his four crew mates staring back at him, all with their index fingers placed firmly against their noses. He rushes to follow suit, but it's no use. He’s it, whatever </span>
  <em>
    <span>it</span>
  </em>
  <span> is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who lost?” Taako asks after an uncomfortable pause.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me.” Merle sighs dejectedly. “What ‘m I doin?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barry’s jaw goes slack. “You didn’t catch </span>
  <em>
    <span>any of that?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He runs his hands through his hair. “Okay, from the top—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Lup cuts him off, and the others look relieved. “Okay, Merle, um... the long and the short of it is, you’re going to take the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fake</span>
  </em>
  <span> Light of Creation and run around with it near the Ferans’ base so the Hunger’ll strike the lab.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘M I gonna die?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but only for a few minutes and then you’ll...” Lup stops. Starts over. “You’ll be gone for a few minutes and then </span>
  <em>
    <span>we’ll all be back.”</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She means Mags and Lucretia. This whole mission is about revenge, or, as Lup sees it, justice. An eye for an eye, no pun intended. Merle can’t say he disagrees with Lup’s stance, it’s just a startling contrast to her usual... energy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s scary, man. She’s full of hatred in a way he’s never seen before. It’s no longer enough for them to just lay low for five days and fuck off. She’s got this fiery intensity, and Merle worries if the plan doesn’t work, she’ll burn the whole planar-verse to the ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He realizes, in the midst of this eye contact, exactly why he’s always had such a... wary appreciation for Lup Taaco. It’s because he’s glad to be on her good side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright!” Merle claps his hands and feigns enthusiasm. Lup smiles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get this show on the road, then.” Barry rubs his hands together and starts giving orders, but Davenport cuts him off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“First things first, Merle’s gotta have a nap, or something...” The others nod, and he watches as they remember how long he’s been running on fumes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Attaboy,” Merle pats Dav’s shoulder as he passes him on the way to his bedroom. “This has been fun, lady and gents, but I’m out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His family laughs and says goodnight despite the sunlight streaming through the windows, and that’s the last thing Merle remembers before waking up in his own bed.</span>
</p><hr/><p>Holy hell, they’re actually pulling this off. Barry can’t believe it. </p><p>Merle, with the Light strapped to his back like a knapsack, jumped off the deck of the Starblaster and floated safely to the ground thanks to <em>Feather Fall</em> <em>à la Taako</em>. The moment he landed just outside the Feran’s base, he sprinted as fast as his legs would carry him. </p><p><em> “Buckle up, kiddos, this is gonna be a bumpy one!” </em> Davenport calls, but Lup doesn’t move from her spot out on the deck. Barry is beside her, they’d just watched Merle die together. A column of inky darkness had shot out of the sky, squishing him and the majority of the base. Lup examines the wreckage with cold eyes, and, without looking at him, suggests he go “buckle up.” </p><p>Barry nods wordlessly, his brain a thunderstorm of electric thoughts and feelings. Guilt, pride, guilt about that pride, disgust, mild arousal at how Lup brushed him off...</p><p>Aw, shit, he <em> definitely </em> doesn’t have the mental strength to tackle that last one. And luckily he can’t dwell on it, because they’re starting to shift over.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>CYCLE FIFTY-NINE</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Lucretia wakes up and immediately collapses. She’s not sure where she is but she knows the Ferans are close and the last memory she has is the room spinning around her as she bled out.</p><p>Bled out.</p><p>Before she can process anything, she feels someone drop to the floor next to her. She flinches, hands flying up to protect her face.</p><p>Hands.</p><p>Through her fingers, she can see Taako, who is sporting a cloth bandage hanging loosely around his neck. He’s squinting despite the dim lighting, and he’s saying something to her. He grabs her hands and squeezes them tightly, wrapping her fingers around his.</p><p>“—Lucretia, look at me, you’re home, we’re home, it’s okay...” </p><p>For whatever reason, despite all the prior evidence, this is what makes it click for her. She’s home. </p><p>She launches herself at him, buries herself in the crook of his neck. He loses his balance a little. <em> “Oh—”  </em></p><p>She knows he’s probably uncomfortable but she can’t let go because he’s <em> here </em>, and they’re back and he can see and he’s not strapped to that table anymore and she can’t believe how bad all that was. </p><p>For someone who’s spent the past 82 years writing, she doesn’t have the words to express all the thoughts flooding her mind at once.</p><p>“That...” she stops. Taako has one hand on the back of her neck, the other holding her tight against him, and she lets herself relax even more. </p><p> “That was really fucking bad.” She mumbles into his shirt, and he laughs. </p><p>“What’d she say?” Lup asks from behind her.</p><p>“That was really fucking bad.” Lucretia sighs shakily, untangling herself from Taako’s safe embrace and allowing herself to be gobbled up by Lup’s aggressive one. She lets herself laugh a little as her face is peppered with kisses. </p><p>Taako’s hand has found hers again, allowing her to squeeze his as hard as she needs to. Barry is crouched next to Lup, his hand on her lower back. Merle has brought her a glass of water, and she has to admit it’s nice being doted on.</p><p>Davenport is walking towards her, and she smiles at him, but he’s not looking at her. He’s almost running, actually, and her face falls as she realizes who he’s actually headed for. </p><p>Magnus.</p><p>He’s sitting in fetal position, hands clamped over his ears, and he’s shaking. Lucretia all but shoves Lup off as she scrambles over to him, the rest of the IPRE close behind. </p><p>She slides to a stop beside him, and gently taps his arm. “Magnus?”</p><p>His arms fly up and he clasps his hands around the back of his neck, pulling himself tighter into the protective cocoon he’s made. Lost, she looks to the others for guidance. </p><p>Barry looks just as confused as she is, but Lup, Taako, Merle and Davenport are wincing. Dav is tugging at his earlobes, and she realizes they can hear something she can’t.</p><p>Her stomach flips as she puts two and two together. He’s crying, just like she was when she came back, but he’s not making any sound.</p><p>“Oh, Magnus...” she feels sick to her stomach, and she wraps her arms around him the best she can, like she has hundreds of times before, and only now with her head on his shoulder, can she hear the silent and shaky wails lodged in his throat.</p><hr/><p>Magnus swears he could sleep for a hundred years.</p><p>He knows he’s back. He heard Lucretia screaming earlier, heard her fall to the ground, heard the others comforting her. Something must’ve happened to her while he was gone.</p><p>He clenches and unclenches his fists to get rid of those memories. Gods, he would give anything to be able to forget about the Ferans for the rest of his life. He’s glad he sat down when he shifted back, because he feels like absolute shit. </p><p>Lucretia clearly needs support right now, and Magnus should be over there, but he can’t make himself get up. He’s locked in place, staring down at his hands as he presses the pads of his fingers together. It usually grounds him, but the lump at the back of his throat is growing harder and harder to ignore. </p><p>
  <em> “What’d she say?”  </em>
</p><p>Very suddenly, everything is too much. Lup’s voice is a gut punch because all he needs right now is for someone to check on him and that’s not happening. The wheezy sound of Barry breathing is too much, and he wants to scream. </p><p>He places his hands over his ears. It only amplifies his own heartbeat. </p><p>
  <em> Tha-thump.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Tha-thump.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Tha-thump.  </em>
</p><p>Shit, shit, shit. Magnus’ mind feels fuzzy and his whole body gets tight. He should just take his hands off his ears, it’ll make it go away. But if he does that, he’ll have to hear Barry, and that’s almost worse. Should. Shouldn’t. Should. Shouldn’t. </p><p>
  <em> Tha-thump.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Tha-thump.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Tha-thump.  </em>
</p><p>Gods, his whole fucking body felt like it was on fire and he was all alone and he kept thinking they would come rescue him and they didn’t. He was screaming and screaming and they never came and now they’re all with her and no one is here with him, again. He wants to scream now, but he’s not making any sound.</p><p>Someone taps his arm. </p><p>“Magnus?” It’s Lucretia, but without thinking he flinches away, and tucks his head between his knees because everything is too much too much too much too much.</p><p>There’s a pause, and then she presses herself against him, lays her head against his shoulder. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registers how nice she smells, like ginger snaps and that homemade soap she uses, the lemony stuff. On his other side, someone sits down and starts massaging his arm. He relaxes, a little, and realizes how sore his throat is. </p><p>“Attaboy, Maggie,” Merle whispers, and Magnus lets his hands fall into the space between his legs and his chest. Lucretia wastes no time in running her fingers through his hair, starting at the nape of his neck and scritch-scratching all the way up his scalp. </p><p>He shivers, and Lup crouches down in front of him. He knows it’s her because she reeks of roses, she always does at the start of a new cycle. Right before their mission began, she went through a fancy perfume phase, and now they all have to live with the consequences annually, nearly sixty years later.</p><p>“Magnus, do you want a hug?” She sounds raw. Tired. Something about her expression reminds him of his mother. </p><p>“Why didn’t you come get me?” He meant for it to come off as nonchalant, but the trembling in his voice gives him away. He looks up at her, and she looks just as crushed as he feels. “Why didn’t anyone come get me?” </p><p>Lucretia hugs him tighter, he can feel her nails through his shirt and doesn’t care.</p><p>Lup looks at him sadly, tears welling in her eyes too. “Mags, honey, we tried. Lucretia and Taako tried. I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Pieces of a puzzle he’s been slowly putting together finally click into place. What was it Taako had said earlier? <em> ‘We’re home’? </em> </p><p>Magnus’ head feels funny, like he’s outside of his own body, like he’s a million miles away. In the distance, he hears Lup ask him again, pained, <em> “Mags, sweetheart, can we hug you?”  </em></p><p>He nods, and only when he tastes salt does he realize how hard he’s been crying. “Yes, please...” his voice hitches, and Lup manages to squeeze in beside Merle who has wrapped his arms around Magnus’ ribs, one hand over his heart. </p><p>The others follow suit, in their own ways. Taako isn’t much of a hugger, but he slips in beside Lucretia and does his best. Barry is sort of half-enveloping Lup while rubbing Magnus’ back firmly. Davenport pats his calf a couple times before beginning to untie his boots for him, which only makes Magnus cry harder. </p><p>He remembers the morning the Ferans captured him, he’d been in the woods with his captain, and complained about how he couldn’t wait to get home and “let the feet breathe” or something stupid like that.  Apparently Davenport remembers, too. </p><p>They stay like that, anchoring him as he lets himself feel sad, and angry, and guilty. He’ll go from numb to panicked in seconds, he can’t stop himself from thinking about the lab, the experiments and the surgeries. When he whimpers a little louder, though, Lucretia squeezes him, Davenport holds his feet to keep him here, in the moment and away from any danger. Merle’s hand reminds him that he is here, and so is his heart, and that he is alive. </p><p>He’s not alone anymore. </p><p>They’re here, and they won’t be leaving him anytime soon.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That’s all, folks! I really hope you enjoyed it, please leave any feedback you may have in the comments! I’ve been working on this since I posted my last fic, and I’m super proud of myself for sticking with it. Go drink some water x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. in-depth trigger warnings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Dead bodies, vomit, psychological torture, physical torture:</strong>
</p><p>Magnus is captured by a group of barbaric warlocks called the Ferans whose magic centres around taking peoples attributes to use as spell components. They take Magnus’ heart, to represent his courage. Later, after Lucretia and Taako are also kidnapped, they see his corpse on the floor.</p><p>The Ferans perform many experiments on him, and decide to take his eyes, because of his Elven night-vision. Taako wakes up blind. Lucretia’s hands are taken after she accidentally reveals she is ambidextrous. It is later mentioned that Lucretia’s official cause of death was bleeding out. </p><p>
  <strong>Open wounds, torn stitches:</strong>
</p><p>After Taako is rescued, he’s said to have had open wounds which Merle stitches up. He tears his stitches while trying to get Merle to let him wash his own face.</p><p>
  <strong>Panic attacks/meltdowns:</strong>
</p><p>Taako wakes up very disoriented in the second chapter, and is in clear distress at the mention of a chair Magnus made for him.</p><p>In the third chapter, when the IPRE shifts into the next cycle, Lucretia thinks she’s back with the Ferans. She’s immediately comforted by Taako. In the chaos, Magnus is forgotten about and in his POV he experiences a panic attack or meltdown. I’ve experienced overstimulation which leads to meltdowns which is what I drew from when writing this scene, and I had the characters comfort him in the way I like to be comforted. However, my friend who experiences panic attacks said they also felt a connection to this scene, so while my intention was not to write a panic attack, I understand that it could be interpreted as one. </p>
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